Ask Joe Q. Mouthbreather

The Republican party is in such dire straits these days that the RNC has opened a website imploring the Joe Lunchpails and Edith Housecoats of the nation to please, PLEASE submit any old crazy idea that might strengthen or advance their political party!

The website was, up until recently, an unmoderated affair, which allowed wonkette.com and their loyal fans to run up "truck nutz" as the top vote-getting suggestion. Apparently the Republican overlord SYSADMIN got wise to the prank and deleted democracy in action.

No matter. There is still time for anyone and everyone with a high-end 600 baud modem to connect to ARPANET and submit their virtual vote, electronically, with technology. The Republican party's apprehension of and execution with the Interwebs is well known and feared.

This web-wide cattle call is not much of a confidence booster--it suggests that party leaders feel things are so precarious right now that asking for everyone's two cents is a good idea. Admittedly, the failings of the penultimate right-wing architect of power, Karl Rove, suggest that the GOP will need to use more than fear and cut-throat tactics with regard to Republicans seeking office. Unfortunately, there is a huge gulf in terms of political ideology, with social conservatives on one side and the more moderate "big tent" adherents on the other.

Sarah Palin has finally gotten over her timidity and shyness with regard to seeking the spotlight, and is making it clear that she would be pleased as punch to carry the GOP banner in 2012. We already know her as a socially conservative right-wing Republican, but where fame and glory shift, so too will Sarah Palin. If the GOP decides it wants a more moderate approach, expect Palin to tone down her rhetoric. That seems difficult to believe, however, given that her latest interview on CNN questions Obama's (D, Illinois) association with blackhearted villain extraordinaire Bill Ayers.

Whatever. Degree-holding sasquatch Camille Paglia LOVES Palin, and rhapsodizes about Palin's many supernatural abilities in her Salon.com column: "So she doesn't speak the King's English -- big whoop! There is a powerful clarity of consciousness in her eyes. She uses language with the jumps, breaks and rippling momentum of a be-bop saxophonist."

Well, that's good enough for me!

God to Palin: I want YOU for Prez!

America's most hated stand-up comedian, Sarah Palin (who is also a governor), told the muy macho Greta Van Susteren that God will show her the way into the White House.

"I'm like, OK, God, if there is an open door for me somewhere, this is what I always pray, I'm like, don't let me miss the open door. Show me where the open door is," Palin said.

Personally, I'm not what you'd call religious, but I imagine that prayers should be directed less toward personal gain and fulfilling one's own appetite of avarice. I also imagine prayers as being more formal in terms of language. I don't expect a recitation in keeping with the King James style, but I don't think that a garbled mish-mash of casual parlance and leet-speak is the way to go about it, either. "OMG God plz halp me get 2 the WH and well b BFF, kk?"

Still speaking of God as her doorman, Palin continued, "Even if it's cracked up a little bit, maybe I'll plough right on through that and maybe prematurely plough through it, but don't let me miss an open door."