Happy Gluttony Day!

It is the time of year, again, when our thoughts turn to cramming as much food and liquor into ourselves as possible, and then watching football until we pass out from a tryptophan and whiskey overdose. There are less cynical voices, however, that tell us that our thoughts turn to family, friends, and enumerating our various and sundry blessings.

With an economy in tailspin and two wars proceeding apace, there seems little to be thankful for this year. Even the prospect of escaping our everyday worries with a little rampant consumerism is off the table; as home foreclosures and the national jobless rates rise, shopping--that last great talent bred into every American--has quickly become more a matter of need and less a matter of want.

Take heart, friends, for there is yet a bright beam of light that pierces this expanding gloom in the national consciousness. There is still one wondrous thing for which we may yet give thanks: Ann Coulter broke her jaw, and is to have it wired shut.

The New York Post's Page 6 reports today that "Although we didn't think it would be possible to silence Ann Coulter, the leggy reactionary broke her jaw and the mouth that roared has been wired shut." Sadly, this is all there is to the report. No word on how she broke it, when, or how she sobbed and writhed in agony as a result of this injury.

This lack of information (added to the fact that the Post is my main source) suggests this story is untrue. I will choose to believe it, however, because these days, on this Thanksgiving, at this defining moment, I choose to place my hand on the arc of history and bend it toward a better holiday.