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DUBAI (Reuters) - Somali pirates have captured a fully laden Saudi supertanker far off east Africa, seizing the biggest vessel ever hijacked with a cargo of oil worth over $100 million in an attack that pushed world crude prices higher.

The International Maritime Bureau, a piracy watchdog, said there had been 92 pirate attacks off Somalia this year and 36 of the ships had been hijacked. Fourteen ships are still controlled by pirates and 243 crew members are being held.

Pleasant tidings!

Congratulations on your decision to explore the world of piracy on the high seas. Ours is a most unusual career in this day and age, and no doubt your family and friends will try to steer you clear of such a choice of profession.

"It's dangerous, you'll get maimed or killed, you'll contract dysentery and scurvy" are all things my parents told me when I related my dreams and aspirations. My friend, don’t you let others stand in the way of your goal for one minute!

In fact, that’s what being a pirate is all about: seeing your goal in sight, and going after it with all your energy! Don’t let some Dutch midshipman slow your forward momentum by allowing him to quote international maritime law.

I can see that you’re a motivated individual. You have come this far, and have requested an information packet and introductory DVD. Please find them enclosed.

The next step is to tell us more about who you are; to that end, please complete this brief quiz and return it to our foundation. Try to answer as honestly as possible!

How many languages do you speak?
(a) One
(b) Two
(c) More than three
(d) I lost the use of my tongue/vocal cords long ago

How did you hear about the International Pirates and Freebooting Foundation, Ltd.?
(a) From a friend/relative (if associated with the Foundation, please supply their name)
(b) Found you on the web
(c) Read your ad in Parade magazine
(d) A mysterious man from Macao “suggested” I look you up

In addition to material compensation, what do you hope to achieve for yourself with regard to your particular skill set?
(a) To work effectively within a team to achieve group-based goals
(b) To put my problem-solving skills to good use in helping others
(c) To utilize my managerial talents and lead the group to its overall objective
(d) The respect and admiration of my colleagues is reward enough for me

What, in your view, best describes modern-day pirates?
(a) He (or she) is a romantic throwback to the days of European imperialism and colonialism, sticking his (or her) finger in the eye of so-called authority
(b) Pirates are trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent
(c) Rum
(d) We’re no strangers to love—you know the rules, and so do I

What is your weapon of choice?
(a) A cutlass, hook, poignard or other quaint melee item
(b) Any small to medium sized NATO or Warsaw Pact firearm
(c) Rum
(d) Legal red tape

On the back, please describe, in 300 words or fewer, why you would be an asset to the International Pirates and Freebooting Foundation, Ltd. Please also include your e-mail address, and your MySpace or Facebook page, if applicable.

A representative will be in touch with you shortly. May fortune smile upon you!