Push it to the Limit

Friends, I hope you are sitting down: this wonderful news that I will shortly relate may cause your knees to buckle, and I'm not out to pay for anyone's jaw replacement operation.

I was recently bemoaning the death of the so-called summer blockbuster movie. All we have so far this year is Spider-Man 3, and despite it breaking box office records this past weekend, the reviews have been tepid at best.

Clearly people are just willing to shell out their hard-earned legal tender for whatever bit of trifle Hollywood serves the public. This is the era of George W. Bush, so I guess people are just willing to take whatever comes their way regardless of expectations.

Friends, that era is drawing to a close. Soon we will have a president who can pronounce words. So, too, can you begin to look forward to a summer blockbuster to rival the days of Top Gun.

Following is the genesis--the germination--of a summer blockbuster movie idea. My friend Ben (he is the one in the chat log named Ben) and I (named Sasquatch Odyssey) have pushed our creative abilities to the utmost by ripping off other movie themes and fads and mashing them up together for what is sure to become one of the most treasured cinematic experiences in the history of the human race . . .

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

my lastest netflix haul is mostly breakdancing movies from the 80s

Ben says:

I .. noticed

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i just need to get disorderlies to round things out

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

although the Fat Boys are already in krush groove, so maybe not

Ben says:

yeah, you're probably set

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

maybe 80s ninja movies is the next theme

Ben says:

oh yeah

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i was reading sho kusogi is in a new ninja movie coming out next year

Ben says:

some of those are hard to find on dvd

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

lol i bet

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

not worth the cost and time of transfer

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

a ninja breakdancing movie would be pretty rad

Ben says:

there's a surf ninja movie...

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

oh my

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

Shuriken Beach

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108258/

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

rob schneider is in it...you know it's gold

Ben says:

yeah, that's the one

Ben says:

man, that's horrible

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

lol

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i wish there was a movie called "Rap, Rap, Rap!"

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

there doesn't appear to be one though

Ben says:

oh, that's too bad!

Ben says:

hm

Ben says:

maybe you should make one?

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i was just thinking

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

but the rap craze is long dead

Ben says:

it could just be a 2-3 minute youtube video of you lip-syncing to rap songs

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

maybe i'll make a movie about kids and their tricked out PSPs

Ben says:

or custom cell phone covers

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

YES

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

it will be called WHEREYAT

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

and will feature breakdancing ninjas, regardless of their popularity

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

every time they kill a bad guy, they'll do the worm or headspins or something

Ben says:

sweet!

Ben says:

all in the name of uh... protecting something

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

protecting our right to dance and express ourselves

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

its like footloose meets american ninja

Ben says:

and put bangles and charms on our cell phones!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

oh yeah

Ben says:

it could be like footloose, but instead of dancing, it woudl be about decorating cell phones!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

and then there will be montages of bedazzling your Nokia

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i smell blockbuster

Ben says:

this sounds awesome by the second

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

there could be a stern dad figure who doesnt feel that his kids should have need of a cell phone at their age

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

he gives the patented "when i was your age" speech

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

and all the kids in the audience can relate to that jive!

Ben says:

sure they can!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

they will roll their eyes and groan!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

and wait for the bedazzling sequence

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

maybe this dad could have an important job...important enough that his competition would hire breakdancing ninjas to kidnap him

Ben says:

ooh, yeah

Ben says:

maybe he could be... a designer of analogue phones?

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

but the ninjas could teach him a valuable lesson about individuality and self expression

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

yes this is coming out like machined parts

Ben says:

or work for a regualar phone company! He could be a telephone lineman, trapped in the 20th century, not willing to move into the 21st and the world of wireless communcation

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

yeah he wont even allow the pushbutton phones in his home

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

has to be rotary dial

Ben says:

yup!

Ben says:

and no 800 numbers from his house! those are too new-fangled! they'll pollute the youth!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

maybe something could happen...like the dad HAS to use a cell in order to call for help....since he is being held by ninjas!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

or maybe he would have to text message....even more disturbing

Ben says:

yes! text message!

Ben says:

that's the only way he can communicate with his kids, who have gotten contraband cell phones through their mother, because their dad wouldn't let them

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

im also getting the sense that during the phone bedazzling montage, the music should be "Push it to the Limit" from Scarface

Ben says:

and only his kids can help him by calling in... the rival ninjas!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

there would certainly have to be a mea culpa by the grumpy old dad at the end

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

but then he could show his kids that he's not a stick in the mud

Ben says:

yeah, and he's buy his kids sidekicks

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

he learned how to breakdance from the ninjas who captured him

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

also to keep from going mad he decorated sevreal cell phones and blackberry devices

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

which he bestows upon his family

Ben says:

ooh yeah!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i see this as a Golan & Globus production

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

i also would like to incorporate a "bad" gang of bedazzled cellphone users vs. a "good" group

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

so you get a gang aspect going

Ben says:

oh, good idea

Ben says:

they could one-ring each other, and send each other anonymous nasty text messages

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

like one could be "55378008", which would puzzle one of the good kids at first, until the nerd of the group pointed out that, upside down, the message reads "boobless"

Ben says:

right!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

and then one of the good groups says "it's on!"

Ben says:

or you could have poor kids who only have pagers, rich kids with nice hones

Ben says:

phones

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

lol

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

yes, the class struggle

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

played out sky pagers versus tricked out bedazzled razrs

Ben says:

yeah!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

the gangs could reach an understanding at the end though, that would incorporate a phone joke where they all laugh uproariously , like a tj hooker episode

Ben says:

and ti would freeze with one of them throwing a wad of paper at another, all smiling and laughing

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

yeah you need that freeze

Ben says:

man, we should be in movies. we've got a serious hit on our hands

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

ill write a letter to hollywood

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

you write one to the internet

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

between us, we will announce that the hitmakers are here

Ben says:

great! I'll blog that immediately! blogosphere take notice! we're the toast of the town!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

or are about to be, probably!

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

ill see about getting kurtis blow to perform the title track

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

or at least the gang showdown track

Ben says:

that's a good idea

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

there will be a lot of corporate wrangling, what with all the phone companies and bedazzler being involved

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

im thinking the bad gang could show how tuff they are by giving each other bedazzler tatoos

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

all those little rhinestones must smart!

Ben says:

ow!

Ben says:

yeah

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

like one could be a microwave tower

Sasquatch Odyssey says:

another of a psp